I Love You But Cannot Marry You
It is not just anybody you love that you can marry. When God created you, he gave you an assignment before sending you into this world. You were created for a purpose.
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; Before you were born, I sanctified you” (Jeremiah 1:5).
You are expected to come into this world and discover your purpose and assignment. In the course of pursuing this divine assignment, you will now find a helper. That helper called wife or husband, is expected to help you accomplish God’s purpose for your life.
So, as a female, you are wired by God to help a particular man accomplish his divine purpose. That is the man called your husband. As a man, you are expected to marry someone you are to either help discover her destiny or help achieve a destiny that she has discovered, which aligns with your purpose.
If you fall in love with someone and aspire to marry the person, the focus should be to first, identify the person’s role in your accomplishment of divine purpose or destiny. So, if after some time of courtship, you discover that your fiancé or fiancée has no place in your divine assignment, there is nothing wrong in saying: “my dear, I love you but I am sorry. I cannot marry you because I have discovered that you are not wired for my destiny.”
After all, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. To avoid such crisis situation however, it is important that you discover your purpose in life before you think about marriage. If you are a man and you are asking me, a lady, to come and marry you so that I help you fulfil your life vision or assignment, what is that assignment? If I have discovered you do not have any, then, I have no role of helper to play; love or no love.
If premarital courtship is carried out in sincerity based on biblical standards and godly love, the pain of separation before official marriage if necessary, will be minimal. Today, many people are going through heartbreaks and marital crisis because of self deceit and failure to comply with God’s instructions.
For instance, you are 37 years old. You meet someone of 35 years old who tells you that he or she has been born again for 10 years. In the course of premarital relationship, you discover that this person still tells lies, commits fraud and is even trying to lure you into sexual immorality. Because you are in love, you say: “well, by the time I marry him or her, the person may change.”
If after 10 years of being born again, this person still tells lies, and God has not been able to change his lifestyle from that of sexual immorality and fraud, are you more powerful than God?
Some problems ahead of marriage are just too obvious at premarital stage but self deceit is a challenge. Again, if sexual immorality is already involved in a premarital relationship, it is usually difficult to tell your sin partner that marriage cannot hold even when you eventually discover that you are not meant for each other. You are too emotionally deep inside, to come out of such relationship. This is how many people have sentenced themselves to a marital life of sorrow and unimaginable crisis. You must look before you commit because a wrong choice of spouse can destroy your entire destiny. It can even hasten your journey to the grave. I am not trying to scare you. As a matter of fact, making the right choice is not as difficult and mysterious as it has been portrayed.
I will end this piece with the procedures for marrying correctly. The first step is to discover God, your creator who himself, created marriage. You cannot know a thing better than its creator.
The second step is to discover your divine purpose and assignment. God created you for a particular assignment. Discover your divine assignment and begin to execute it. It is that assignment that determines who you take in as your wife because you need a helper to pursue that purpose or assignment. So, in the course of executing it, you may discover your desired destiny helper of the opposite sex called wife.
Then, you can now take the third step, which is to marry that wife and jointly, happily fulfil an aligned divine purpose or assignment.
Please, UNTIL YOU DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE OR ASSIGNMENT, THE ESSENCE OF YOUR BEING, DO NOT MARRY ANYBODY EVEN IF YOU ARE 70 YEARS OLD. Marriage is beyond religious, traditional or cultural obligation. It is for a divine purpose.
As a lady, before you accept to marry someone, be ready for submission to the person’s mission. Don’t marry a man you cannot submit to forever in sickness and in health, in poverty and in riches, till death do you path. Don’t violate God’s order and attract unnecessary sorrow to yourself, which could possibly take you to a worse level of regret, hell fire.
For instance, if you desire a marriage where you will be faithful to each other in sexual matters, do not go into premarital sex. Otherwise, you as the husband may end up sleeping with your unmarried housemaid because in your subconscious mind, there is nothing wrong in having sex with someone who is not married and there is no difference between wife and woman.
As a wife, you may end up suspecting and accusing your innocent housemaid of sleeping or planning to sleep with your husband because you too, had sex with a man even without marriage and there is no difference between husband and man. This thing is a mind thing. It is psychology.
If as a lady, you have mental insecurity problem, please avoid marrying a public figure such as a pastor, politician or actor. If you do, you will shorten your lifespan with heart aches. Are you ready to watch your actor husband, kiss and embrace ladies on national television? Can you stand an army of young and beautiful ladies hugging your politician husband in public? Can you accommodate church members who insist on seeing your pastor husband in private, for counselling?
Please, marry only someone you love and are wired for.
FOR QUESTIONS, PRAYERS, COUNSEL, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu