Sexual Inactivity: What May Be Happening To Your Spouse
Because of the prevailing rate of infidelity in marriage and sexual immorality in the society, there is a tendency for innocent married people to misjudge each other in cases of sexual challenges.
For a Christian wife or husband, it is true that the Bible in 1st Corinthians 7:3-5 says “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control.”
However, research and experience from counselling shows that apathy for sexual intercourse by a party in marriage might be caused by factors other than infidelity or adultery especially if he or she had been sexually active overtime. Your wife or husband might not have been thinking of sleeping with anybody. A sudden seizure of sexual urge or apathy for sexual intercourse could be caused by
1. VIRAL INFECTION OR WEAK ERECTION: According to scientific research, infection could weaken erection for a man and could even culminate in sudden impotence if not checked. It could also affect female libido. So, if your wife or husband initially made sexual advances at you too frequently that you started complaining, but has suddenly stopped making advances at all, don’t jump into a conclusion that he or she is seeing someone else.
Besides, if you are the type that has never made sexual advances at your spouse because you knew that he or she would always come after you like a cork after a hen, you are in error. It is even worse when you leave him or her to do all the foreplay whole you drop your body like an immovable wood for him or her to operate on. For goodness sake, sexual activity in marriage ought to be for mutual pleasure. Don’t be selfish.
Now, your husband or wife could just be going through a medical challenge. You are still there waiting for him or her to make advances as usual. You may keep waiting until you decide to do the needful rather than jumping into conclusions that are wrong.
2. IGNORANCE ABOUT SEXUAL INTERCOURSE: The knowledge of chemistry and biology involved in pleasurable sexual intercourse is not a function of the number of years spent on marriage. It is a function of communication between both parties as to how best they can enjoy sex. Each individual is as peculiar as each couple. If you refuse to communicate with your spouse about your sexual desires, you will continue to suffer emotionally and psychologically in marriage. Seek knowledge from your partner on how to satisfy him or her.
3. STRESS: Your spouse could be going through a lot of stress that takes away his or her capacity to satisfy you sexually at a particular period. Talk about it. Communication in love will help him or her.
4. TROUBLED MIND: Sexual pleasure has a lot to do with your state of mind. Sexual urge, erection and or libido can be suppressed for either party if the mind is crowded with some troubles, especially at a period like this when the economy of the country is biting so hard. Don’t conclude that your spouse is seeing somebody else. It is not very easy for a tested husband or wife in terms of sexual discipline, to suddenly become an infidel. Forget the picture that social media has painted in recent years, suggesting that every man is having sex with every other woman and vice versa. It is a lie from Satan designed to deceive the younger generation.
5. A SHOCKING DISCOVERY ABOUT YOU: If your spouse that used to run after you for sex has suddenly stopped, don’t assume that he is possibly seeing someone else. It is possible that he or she just discovered something about you that he or she never knew about though you have been married for years. Just communicate and seek solution to this challenge with an open mind.
When you discover a sudden drop in sexual urge from your spouse who you initially complained that he or she was not allowing you to rest, what you should do is
1. COMMUNICATE: Discuss about sex freely with your legally married spouse. It is part of the marital package signed for life.
2. PRAY: (1ST Thessalonians 5:17) The spiritual realm controls the physical realm and will forever do. So, prayerfully communicate and discuss this issue with your spouse because from the day of your wedding, the accuser of the brethren has been working invisibly to ensure that your wedding vow is broken. If you do not pray, you will become a prey.
3. SEE A COUNSELLOR: Marriage counsellors are trained to handle marital challenges including sexual issues. However, ensure that your counsellor’s counsel is powered by the word of God (the Holy Bible) who originated marriage. If you consult a human rights activist as your counsellor and you are given a counsel that challenges Bible’s position on the matter, you may regret complying with such prescription.
FOR COUNSEL, PRAYERS, QUESTIONS
Contact: Pastor Chiedu Albinus