Getting A Spouse Who Is Your Spec
Today, many guys and ladies that are old enough to get married have remained single because they are looking for someone who possesses qualities of a perfect man or woman. They fail to realize that they equally posses certain imperfections they think that others posses.
For instance, someone tells me that these days, people don’t marry for love but for money and so, they are searching for someone who would marry them for true love. Let me assume that the assertion about no more true love is true and it is coming from you. Let us now, examine you, who is making the assertion.
1st Corinthians 13:4-7 explains love. “Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrong doing but rejoices with the truth. Loves bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
My dear, do you posses this quality? If you do not, you do not have a right to accuse any opposite sex of not possessing it. In other words, your search for a perfect guy or lady to marry is an act of self deception, selfishness because you are not perfect. You must be ready to give what you desire in a spouse before you begin to pray for a perfect spouse. Emphasis here is on readiness and willingness to offer what you desire. I am not yet talking about actually offering it.
There are so many things that have been termed to be love, which are not. This is because each person is offering his or her own definition of love outside scriptures. The number of friends you attract to yourself through the social media for instance, does not necessarily indicate how much you are loved by those friends. There are two categories of friends. Some friends are seasonal friends. This means that they are meant for a particular season. Just the way you outgrow your shoes or dress as you grow older, you can outgrow your seasonal friends. When this happens, you make new friends.
You are supposed to marry a permanent friend. This permanent friend is not perfect as a person, but has the qualities of a friend. So, your search for a permanent human being as your life partner is a futile search.
Do not get carried away by emotional sentiments, especially as an unmarried person. Anybody that tells you he or she cannot live without you, is lying because the person is not oxygen. It is only oxygen that nobody can live without, and it comes from God himself. After wedding, two have become one. But before wedding, don’t get carried away by the talk of “I can’t live without you.” The person has lived for decades without even knowing you. Remember?
Infact, as a lady, don’t ever open your legs for sex to a guy that has not performed the marriage rites of bride price or dowry, registry wedding, etc. It is only a fool that ignores this counsel. Irrespective of the intensity of promise by the guy to do so; forget about how much money or signal of sincerity he gives to you, until he actually does it, don’t sleep with. She that hath an ear, let her hear.
In searching for a spouse, you have to be real. Your dream spouse is perfect. Your reality spouse is imperfect. Perfection is a lie. Reality is true. If you really want to marry soon, look for Mr/Mrs Reality. Stop waiting for Mr/Mrs Perfect because perfection is a lie. Yes. Perfection is a commandment and a desire. But is it is a work of the Holy Spirit in progress in your life.
One of the vital information required before engaging in marital relationship for instance, has to do with difference in variables in behavioural patterns, even in areas of economics. No two individuals in this whole wide world are the same in everything.
Let us look at family economics for instance. If a man grew up in a home where his father did nothing but left his mother to shoulder all financial responsibilities of the family, the man is likely not to contribute a penny to the financial upkeep of his family when he gets married. You cannot accuse him of not loving his wife and family based on that character because he sees that lifestyle as a norm. If it was his father that shouldered all financial responsibilities when he was growing up, he is not likely to expect any financial contributions from his wife when he marries.
If it was a girl that grew up seeing her father handle every single financial responsibility, she is not likely to contribute anything financially to her family when she marries, even when her husband’s income is a peanut when compared to hers. Don’t accuse her of not loving her husband because she is doing what she believes is right. On the other hand, if it was her mother that shouldered financial responsibilities when she was growing up, she is likely to aspire and actually do the same thing. It is only education, positive social interactions, informal exposure to learning or change of orientation along the path of growing up that can make things happen differently.
These are some of the background checks that ought to be made during courtship. This is why I wonder whether those who get married without courtship actually understand the meaning and implications of marriage.
When two become one after wedding, it means each one has become half. It does not mean that one of the two has become zero. That is the perfection that you should seek in searching for a life partner. However, the only way you can get this is to have your premarital and marital relationship founded on Christ Jesus (1st Corinthians 3:11).
Spending the whole night sleepless because you are on the internet searching for a spec husband or a spec wife is a useless self torment. Good husband or wife hardly comes from the internet. It comes from ABOVE.
Comply strictly with the word of God. First, surrender your heart to Jesus to posses. Then, marry a believer. Likes attract likes. I am not talking about church goer or someone with spiritual title. Anybody can be called any title. I am talking about a born again Christian. Don’t tell me you are confused as to knowing the difference. The capacity to decipher the difference itself, is an evidence of your Christianity.
You will not marry the wrong person in Jesus name. Place an order for a copy of the book, MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu. It will help you.
FOR QUESTIONS, PRAYERS, COUNSEL, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu